kailangan ko ng isang malupet na hug na parang wala ng bukas

when people say summer, they usually mean a lot of things, but it will never take long for the little hamsters in other people's heads to realize that they are only talking of hot sand particles in-between toes, star-dotted skies, halo-halos and sun block. or more probably, images of bikini-ed girls wearing sun shades or gym-modified guys on Speedos are what click on the wheels of their minds. that is because, ultimately, when people say summer, they connote that chestnut "sun, sand, and swim".

for me though, when i say summer, i mean that time, that special moment, when i finally let go of ms. boundaries and fell in love-only to have had my heart broken. for me, when i say summer, i mean mingled laughter and tears, and bittersweet memories of two people against the world. when i say summer, i see a heart-shaped picture frame with shattered glass, i smell baby powder, i read an unfinished story, and i seem to touch a face that reminds me of glittery stars painted in the black canvas called nighttime sky - unreachable, blending with the infinite darkness just as it becomes clear to my eyes. and so, this face is the reason why, when i say summer, i mean most of all, The Him of my life.

indeed, we were everything that summer. in that short span of time, my world revolved around us alone, or rather, there was no world. there was just us, together, me and him, nothing more.

as much as i would like to think though that the world did not exist, i soon realized that nobody could get away from its wrath. as soon as the world saw where we were coming to, hurricanes were hurled our way at once. it was blatant in saying that it did not approve of us being together and though i tried to fight for us, all efforts were useless against the merged forces of my friends and his friends. I gave up first.

most angles cursed me for being the weak person i was and for giving him up so easily, but if they would only ask, i would tell them that, even as i walked away from the adieu night, i was wishing that he would run after me and stop me from saying goodbye to our fairy tale. if they would only ask, i would tell them that it was almost a year before i finally stopped pining for him, that i craned my neck in places he was likely to be in, and that i hoped foolishly that someday we would give an ending to our story. if they would only ask, i would tell them that i blamed myself too.

even so, i prefer not to tell these confessions anymore, at least not voluntarily. it does not matter now. it has taken time for me to realize that whatever i say and whatever I do, nothing will make time turn back anymore. our summer has gone already, and no matter how many summers pass by again, we cannot anymore relive it. but even if time cannot turn back anymore, i can always look back to that summer, for i have nothing left now but mere memories. and despite the fact that I cannot experience those memories again, despite the fact that our story will never repeat itself again, it is still a story that can always be given its own ending when someday comes. or better yet, when that someday comes, i hope that it will be a story that will never end anymore, even when summer does.

february 2 -thursday

`full load day ko till 5pm ako

`big quiz in economics the following day -biyernes.

`ate esmeralda's birthday bash (x.sleepless.stressed out.drunk.x)

february 3 -friday

`billards are so f* hardcore (yay!! ligaya.)

`volleyball game sa felix huertas

`talkshit-harapharapang pang gagago ng isang malapit na kaibigan.OUCH! (x.PapaLord thank you for my shock absorber and Nestle's Chuckie Chocolate drink.x)

`bandshow in school (reached home 11.30pm)

`stress release sa moshpit in white uniform and 2'' school shoes; abre,saga,and eros (x.parokya ni edgar,itchyworms,brownman, rev., pupils,imago.x)

`i-feel-useless-emo moment w/ posh and diane (x.iyakan,tawa ng kaunti,at alcohol muli.stressed.x)

february 4 -saturday

`full load day kong muli sa school

`naiirita na talaga ako sa mga taong humahadlang sa kaligayahan ko!pakdem!!!

`billards session

`study for another economics quiz (x.monday.x)

`literature paper!! (x.wala na namang tulugan -extra joss.x)

`2 pages to memorize for declamation (x.SHOOT ME!.x)

`have to make a oration masterpiece and memorize it after for a competition(prof. urquiola bat ba kasi ang taas ng expectations niyo sakin ehhhhh!!!!rar!)

`nakakapanghinang stampede sa ultra -around 80+ patay.trahedya

`i miss my mama, i miss my daddy, i miss my brother (x.*scream*.x)

february 5 -sunday

`cwts day (8am -5pm) (x.sumakit ang katawan ku...bagsak katawan.x)

`quiapo pier-tricycle adventure-jeepney rides

`continuation sa pag gawa sa school work

`made patatas salad for dinner (*mentors: ate maribel,ate maricel,at aling anna -maraming maraming salamat sa walang humpay na pag aalaga at pauunawa)

`sipon,ubo,masakit na katawan,emo-emo.lagnat -PERFECTO!

february 6-monday

`walang saysay na quiz sa econ.

`quality time with PapaLord. Mass

`breakfast sa Jollibee (x.japs,ad,sandra,gem a., romeo,pam,angge,tomy,cristeta,and gizzelle.x)

`total withdrawal sa oration competition

`1.30pm-7.45pm. (xXx.tulog.xXx.) at long last

WAITING FOR MY EARTH BOUND STAR...♥

and oh for every stress,AMEN.